2009: The Year of the Wolf

Cower in fear or writhe in ecstasy, dear readers. For the year of the wolf is upon us. I can't say what your instinct tells you to do, but I think once you get a load of the furry men of 2009, you'll lean towards writhing in ecstasy.

There are 4 flicks opening this year featuring extra hairy men all of which are fodder of female fantasies.

Once of the dreamiest is Lucian, the lovelorn lycan of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Underworld: Rise kicked off our shaggy stud year on the 23rd of this month. It's currently playing and I'd urge you wolf lovers out there to see it. I saw it opening day and I wasn't disappointed. Set aside the fact that Michael Sheen (Lucian) was mouthwatering, the movie itself was great.

Plot, premise, effects, star power (Bill Nighy as Viktor - lead vamp and Rhonda Mitra as Sonja - Lucian's love) were all magnificent. Followers of the Underworld franchise might just call this one the best of the bunch. If the first two Underworld's Selene was a lure for the fanboys then the third Underworld's Lucian is certainly a major lure for the fangirls. Move over Jacob Black! (Note to dear Taylor Lautner: See picture left: Michael Sheen as Lucian. Notice chest hair, beard, expressive lines around eyes and manly stance? These are characteristics of an adult human male. Take note and see me in 15 years).

Next up we have The Wolf Man starring Benicio Del Toro . I'm looking forward to this film. The more werewolf movies, the better. I'm not so excited by the makeup for Del Toro's wolf man. I would rather the visionaries had strayed a little farther away from the original 1941 Wolf Man's hokey appearance. He reminds me of a button nosed puppy.

I think it would have served the movie's mission better to modernize the wolf man's look. That button nosed, furry human face reminds me more of Fajardo Aceves Jesus Manuel, wolf boy of Mexico than it does a mindless, howling savage animal. My Mom's dog Oscar is scarier than the Wolf Man!

If I were confronted by this wolf man, I'd probably giggle hysterically even as he nibbled me to death with his tiny humanoid mouth.

Of course this joshing is all in good fun. I will be right there on The Wolf Man's opening day, ready to be entertained.

Our next guy is not a werewolf perse, but he gains honorary membership into the furry britches club. This year we are treated to a Wolverine extravaganza sans the rest of the X-Men crew in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I for one will go see it just because of the hotties joining the cast: Ryan Reynolds will star as Wade Wilson 'Deadpool' and Liev Schreiber checks in as Victor Creed 'Sabretooth'. I saw all the other X-Men movies and they were pretty good. I don't have tons of enthusiasm but I feel it's my duty to go see it just to fully experience the year of the wolf!

Lastly, the culmination of all things wolf of 2009. New Moon is scheduled to open November 21st, exactly one year after the opening of Twilight. Fangirls everywhere are chomping at the bit to devour the next installment in the Twilight saga. Taylor Lautner reprises the role of Jacob Black, this time commanding major screen time as he 'grows' into the role of the studly fur baby. While I'm not happy that the role wasn't relinquished to a bigger, older man who could have realistically portrayed Jacob as the domineering 6'5" (+), 25 - 27 year old (looking) beefcake he became in New Moon, I will concede that Lautner has put forth the effort to fill the shoes. Last I checked, he had put on 29 pounds of pure muscle and was still working on it. I truly believe that if he could bare down real hard and force himself to grow 12 inches, he would do it. Slow down kid, you're going to rupture something.

So an 'A' for effort to Taylor Lautner. I don't dislike him, I just didn't want him in this role. But I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised.

There you have it, 4 deliciously devious, handsomely hairy stud puppies to sink your teeth into in 2009. Arooo! Hail the year of the wolf! Now out you go, get out there and start the year right by enjoying the 1st wolfy treat, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans on the silver screen, and mark your calendars for the rest of these nocturnal nibblers.

Lautner Returns as Jacob: CG to Provide Male Enhancement

Well, this is likely to be a pessimistic post. One, because my plans to go see Twilight again in the theater tonight were thwarted by old man winter. Enough already! Bring on spring.

But mainly because it's confirmed that Taylor Lautner will indeed be back as Jacob Black in New Moon. I feel like this was a selfish and stupid decision, in part made by Summit, but also by Chris Weitz. Chris Weitz, in case you don't already know, is the guy who took over the reigns of directing the Twilight saga from Catherine Hardwicke.

This gives me another reason to doubt Summit's ability to make rational decisions. It's like they want future Twilight films to fail. They've repeatedly done stupid things:

1. Fired Catherine Hardwicke
2. Decided to only bump up production moneys for New Moon to $50 million, just barely more than the shoe string budget they allotted for Twilight. Even though New Moon will require extensive CG effects for werewolf transitions, site shoots (in Italy, no less!), cast additions (Volturi, anyone? HELLO.), more spectacular vampire stuff and lastly the freaking cost of digitally turning Taylor Lautner into something he clearly IS NOT; a feasible Jacob Black. Which brings me to the last dumb thing:
3. Brought Taylor Lautner back as Jacob. Fans are familiar with his face already. SO WHAT. If you remember right, A LOT of fans didn't want Robert Pattinson to play Edward. So, fans don't always know best and can be fickle. I mean, the same fans that said Robert had a gargoyle's face are now adoringly sighing his name on message boards.

Since Summit is throwing away most of the budget on uber sizing Taylor to pretend that he has any assemblance with the maturing Jacob Black, they might as well throw some money into making Kristen Stewart's acting believable. Let's face it, it's kind of uncomfortable watching all her twitching, eye rolling and stuttering.

One thing you can bet on, since Summit is being stingy with the cash to make New Moon, somewhere quality is going to suffer. Especially since a goodly amount of money will be allotted to correcting the glaring mismatch of Lautner as Jacob. They plan to resize him in every scene (ala Hagrid in the Harry Potter films). Let's remember just what a big part Jacob plays in New Moon. That's a lot of male enhancement!

One thing that will be in the forefront of my mind while I'm watching New Moon is that Taylor is not real. That he's just a little guy trying to fill the shoes of my big old Jacob. I hate it! I want a real man to step into the role.

Perhaps the crappiest thing of all is that when New Moon doesn't do as well, Summit will blame it on Edward not being present through a large part of the story. When the truth is if they'd went about making the movie smartly New Moon would be even greater than Twilight is.